Legal Humor - Lawyer Jokes - Attorney Jokes2010-03-11T14:42:13ZCalifornia Personal Injury Attorneys lh@californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.usCopyright 2010, California Personal Injury Attorneys lh@californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.usSPHPBLOGHe sure had me worried At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry090126-2255322009-01-27T00:00:00Z2009-01-27T00:00:00ZHe saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman "That's unfair !" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
"Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry090126-2252362009-01-27T00:00:00Z2009-01-27T00:00:00ZThree MBA's cram into a restroom "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an MBA.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the lawyers.
They all board the train. The MBA's take their respective seats but all three lawyers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The MBA's discussed this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the MBA's decide to copy the lawyers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the lawyers don't buy any tickets at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one perplexed MBA.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a lawyer.
When they board the train the three MBA's cram into a restroom and the three lawyers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the lawyers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the MBA's are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry090126-2250032009-01-27T00:00:00Z2009-01-27T00:00:00ZDo they ever bury two people in the same grave? "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry090126-2245322009-01-27T00:00:00Z2009-01-27T00:00:00ZThe madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man "Can I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Susan," the man replied.
"Sir, Susan is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Susan" was the man's reply.
Just then, Susan appeared and announced to the man that she charged $2,000 an hour. Without hesitation, the man pulled out twenty one-hundred dollar bills and gave them to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night the same man appeared again, demanding to see Susan. Susan explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive and there were no discounts. The price was still $2,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Susan and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Susan and they went upstairs. After their session, Susan said to the man. "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, "California."
"Really?" she said. "I have family in California."
"I know," the man said. "Your aunt died and I am your cousin's lawyer. She instructed me to give you your $6,000 inheritance."]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry090111-1901492009-01-12T00:00:00Z2009-01-12T00:00:00ZSay What You Mean Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver.
"You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge.
"The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice.'"]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry081227-1356422008-12-27T00:00:00Z2008-12-27T00:00:00ZThis Is Why And so God created lawyers.]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry081227-1354492008-12-27T00:00:00Z2008-12-27T00:00:00ZOne Way To Tell When You Have Had Enough A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough.
The bartender said, "I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?"
The man replied, "I have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had enough."]]>http://www.californiapersonalinjuryattorneys.us/legalhumor/index.php?entry=entry081227-1351552008-12-27T00:00:00Z2008-12-27T00:00:00Z